i’ve moved on.

this dear old blog isn’t getting much use lately … though there are some fun things happening in my life right now, the internet simply isn’t the right outlet for them.

I’ve started another wordpress blog, on which I won’t go into any boring detail about my life, but where I will simply post my poetry and some photos. it may be nice to have an online outlet for some of my poems and whatnot.

peace.

lockersandmonologues.wordpress.com

Published in: on February 7, 2008 at 8:30 pm  Comments (1)  

end of summer

black eyed susans

as I write this, there are two days until I return to school. After rereading all of my other posts this summer I realize how much I’ve missed everything, and now after talking to other friends I think that I’m probably going to be sick of it after the first two weeks and be yearning for summer again. I realize that I haven’t posted for the last week or so, and I’m apologetic. There’s nothing going on really that’s post-worthy. I did take a trip to Fort Edmonton, took some pictures, wrote some poetry, met up with some friends, and now I’m all excited to get back to my friends again. I’m such a psycho.

psychedelic

Published in: on September 1, 2007 at 8:08 pm  Comments (2)  

dream

just barely there

I feel like I’m lost in a dream. It’s like I exist away from everyone else, and as I visit my favourite haunts I’m not really there, though the photographs are mine and the touch of fingertips on cold walls is mine. I don’t understand it, and I feel so lonely…

I saw friends. I saw acquaintances, and I saw people who are infinitely special to me, but none of them know it. I don’t know if they saw me, I don’t think they would have because I am just there in spirit and i’m always there in spirit really … it’s my home, it’s where i have become myself and I don’t ever want to leave it.

I feel like I’ll be here for a while. I don’t know what poetic verbiage i’ll spew out once i feel more together but let’s hope it’s something decent. Are these really my fingers plucking on the keyboard?

Published in: on August 24, 2007 at 8:15 pm  Comments (1)  

ho hum

… I haven’t been posting for a while. Sorry about that. It’s just that there’s nothing to do here but sit and laze about. Considering I don’t have a summer job and volunteer only on Saturdays, my August has been less of a frenzied rush about town for soccer practices, tennis and racquetball games, music classes and etc and more of a “show up randomly at a friend’s house so we can go take pictures in the ravine” type deal. Which is okay, I guess.

Speaking of the ravine, I took some marvelous pictures with a friend as a model (I have been told that i want to frame these pictures and give them to her because they will be treasured keepsakes of this summer or something …). I wish I could post them up here but I don’t think that she wants her face on the ‘net. Which is unfortunate, but there you go. This is why I only have still life pictures on my flickr ; all of the lovely people whose pictures I take cannot go up because they don’t want to. i just felt I should clear that up ;)

Sooooo … registration day after tomorrow, which is exciting ( means i get to see my school again, lucky me) so naturally I will bring along my camera and they’re probably going to get my ID photo with the camera strap around my neck … i’m such a dork.

:)

EDIT: I totally forgot about the main important thing which I finished up recently: my latest novel! I actually wrote this one for National Novel Writing Month in 2006 after being inspired by a NaNoWriMo group at my school. I have torn it to shreds over the summer, totally rewritten the ending, and have given it to my editor to whom I am very grateful. I have chosen a publishing house, and I took the photo for the cover. I am very excited about all of this and as soon as I have a copy of my book, a photo and link to where you can buy it ( :D ) is going up here.

Published in: on August 22, 2007 at 1:32 pm  Comments (1)  

who am i?

I don’t really know what to say to begin here … I’m feeling depressed and I hardly even know why. I mean, I’m incredibly worried about a friend (the details of which I shan’t go into here) and I’ve hardly thought of anything else all day. I started feeling melancholy during a bike ride in the crisp cool air in which I was pleased to freeze my fingertips ~ sigh.

And over the last few days, I’ve met with some friends (some intentionally and some not) and spoken to others. And as I talked to them, I realized that I seemed to become a different person around each of them. My words changed, and my attitudes changed, and during said bike ride I began to wonder:

Who am I, really? After thinking about this, I honestly do not know who I am. I mean, I know my name and age and whereabouts and stuff, but I realize that I am who people make me. I change to please people ~ I give them what they want, but all the while I’m not true to myself. Yes, I have my own opinions and between people my reactions may be similar, but I change to suit other peoples’ wishes. And I think that that’s not a good thing.

I don’t know who the girl is who’s typing these words. I know that I can change the words if I want to, and they are coming from my fingers. But why are they these words? Are these words different than the ones I would use normally? I can’t tell, and I don’t know, and it frightens me.

Published in: on August 9, 2007 at 8:58 pm  Comments (2)  

holidays

These five days past I have been in Vancouver, relaxing and taking in the sights and smells of the city. It has been quite busy, but always in a good sort of way. I’m taking a leaf out of ‘daisies’ book here and making a list of the most memorable of things which I have done:

›revelled in the steady power of the aircrafts hurtling along the ground and the sudden weightless support of the nothingness of the sky
›allowed my pen to scribe onto the notebook paper, writing stanza after stanza of poetic charm
›dangled my toes in the chill water with wave after wave of briny sea scent crashing on my face
›enjoyed the family gatherings of which there were many, accompanied with fresh brownie taste and carrot-cake icing
›listened to the steady soundtrack of camera clickings
›wove my way down ragged trails and steep cliffs with root stairs
›harnessed a bike’s jarring power as the slalom down the street
›laughed with a dog’s laugh and watched a feline’s aloof, silky grace
›felt my hair frizz with a spritzy storm of spitting rain
›shook hands with an ancient wooden appendage
›solemnly paid respects to the unjustly deceased and
›gazed out at the ocean eternity

Go look at my flickr for the twelve best photos from the trip : )

Published in: on August 8, 2007 at 10:44 am  Comments (2)  

i got a new camera!

( see the title :D )

Today I went out and bought the lovely little Canon Powershot S5IS. It is a simply gorgeous little camera with the most amazing macro feature, which is wonderful for me. I can get even millimetres away from an object and still keep it in clear focus, which is just excellent:

raspberry

my eye!

It’s an eight-megapixel 12x optical zoom with a 2.5 inch LCD screen which can rotate and go at multiple angles (which is extremely cool and incredibly useful for self-portrait-taking). I got this just in time for our going to Vancouver this weekend, and I plan to put it to much use there.

This makes me wonderfully happy :D

Published in: on August 1, 2007 at 9:46 pm  Comments (1)  

the last day of school

Well. A month ago to the day (actually, almost even to the hour as I type this … creepy) was the last day of school, and one of the worst experiences of my life. I know that may sound dramatic, and I suppose that to many of these people this will sound pathetic, but it was just terrible, awful and horribly upsetting. It’s a month after, so I’m going to explain it now.

Well, it was supposed to be a fun day, what with a type of thing where you see how many movies you can cram into one day. I skipped out on the movies and spent the time outside enjoying the natural warmth from the sun rather than the artificial fake warmth and air inside the crammed, dusty building. Then at lunch there was supposed to be a watergun fight. There was, but I’m sorry to have to emphasize the “fight” rather than “watergun”.

It got completely out of hand. There were a number of fistfights, one of which one of my dearest friends was in. There was punching, kicking, biting, and feelings were hurt all around. Many tears were shed outside there. I was outside for a while, and all of this atrocity had been happening before my eyes. There were two people that I could think of that would be able to hold me together, and I followed one of them inside. But I could only stand there while other dragged her away to things which (I felt then) could hardly be as important as my feelings.

That other friend was absent that day. I knew beyond all doubt that I could have been better if he was there, because somehow he was always able to comfort me when I was lost or upset. But he was absent, and I felt so helpless and awful … I just don’t know if I can describe it. It was all I could do not to burst out sobbing in the hallway right where I sat. I watched two other students running around and hiding in lockers, oblivious to the pain that was circulating everywhere. I simply stayed where I was, hiding my face from the security camera. I think that I may have been crying, but I couldn’t tell. The need to go into the library, use a computer and type out a message to that person was uppermost in my mind. I hated every moment that the library was closed. Then when a teacher seemed to sense my desperation she allowed me in and I immediately started to type.

It was more like an essay than an e-mail. It was huge. But every word I typed was another load off my heart. After I sent the message, I felt more released and more at peace with everything. I left school an hour early rather than stay in that pit of pain and misfortune. I said goodbyes to my best friends that I could find and then left to the bus stop.

It didn’t bother me any that I had to wait about 45 minutes at my various bus stops. The time rushed past me in my haze of depressedness that I would have to leave all of these friends, all of these people who over the course of the year had totally changed my life. I already missed them, and I had hardly left yet.

And I still miss them, but the pain of that day was mostly gone. I have spoken to many of my friends, and even renewed and strengthened some friendships which waned when we saw each other every day. It’s been a time of rejuvenation.

[ sorry for the essay : ) ]

Published in: on July 29, 2007 at 6:03 pm  Comments (1)  

summer photo/poetry ‘scavenger hunt’

At about 11pm last night, I came up with a neat idea. It’s a bit late, but I think it should work. On the ‘net I went to the PhotoFriday site, and lo and behold there was a huge list of photo – subject – keyword type things there. Being struck by an idea, I took my favourite 50 of them, and composed my Summer Photo/Poetry Scavenger Hunt.

Pretty much what I’m going to do here is see if I can take a picture that reflects each of these words. And after I take the picture, I’m going to do a little blurb of verbiage (read: poem) that goes along with it. Maybe I’ll print them out or scrapbook them or something, but I’ll store them so that next year, I can do the same thing for the same 50 words and see how different it all is. I think that’s kind of cool. I mean, it involves photography, poetry, and an idea that I came up with when I probably have been asleep. Can’t go wrong with that, right?

I’ll post the pictures and poems up here as they’re taken (I’ve found 11 in my files for July, and those will be posted as I complete the poems for them). I feel like I’m totally overdoing Poetry Thursday with this, but what can you do?

Published in: on July 26, 2007 at 8:06 pm  Comments (2)  

the capital ex

hyper

Today meant my first visit to the Capital Ex for a few years. Fun was had by all: the temperature was nice but not overly warm or muggy, money and jewelery changed hands and acrobats and dancers were watched. Not to mention the grease-burgers and fat-dogs; those are always welcome additions to any festival.

Many exciting things were seen, not the least of which was the stupendous performance by the Peking Acrobats, who are freakishly flexible and amazingly balanced. The camera conveniently ran out of batteries when it came time for the performance, so regrettably there are no photos of these amazing dancers. But before the batteries died, we paid a visit to the butterfly house, where hundreds of butterflies flitted around and landed on people and flowers. I have many pictures of butterflies from there, but only one stands out:

staring contest

flames flicker, fans flutter; dancing of tradition.
balancing acts of startling skill
reflect miniature wonders all around.
how else can butterflies flit from bloom to bloom?
they balance, as the dancers must balance
and as the world balances, to support them all.

Published in: on July 24, 2007 at 7:39 pm  Comments (2)  
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