Well. A month ago to the day (actually, almost even to the hour as I type this … creepy) was the last day of school, and one of the worst experiences of my life. I know that may sound dramatic, and I suppose that to many of these people this will sound pathetic, but it was just terrible, awful and horribly upsetting. It’s a month after, so I’m going to explain it now.
Well, it was supposed to be a fun day, what with a type of thing where you see how many movies you can cram into one day. I skipped out on the movies and spent the time outside enjoying the natural warmth from the sun rather than the artificial fake warmth and air inside the crammed, dusty building. Then at lunch there was supposed to be a watergun fight. There was, but I’m sorry to have to emphasize the “fight” rather than “watergun”.
It got completely out of hand. There were a number of fistfights, one of which one of my dearest friends was in. There was punching, kicking, biting, and feelings were hurt all around. Many tears were shed outside there. I was outside for a while, and all of this atrocity had been happening before my eyes. There were two people that I could think of that would be able to hold me together, and I followed one of them inside. But I could only stand there while other dragged her away to things which (I felt then) could hardly be as important as my feelings.
That other friend was absent that day. I knew beyond all doubt that I could have been better if he was there, because somehow he was always able to comfort me when I was lost or upset. But he was absent, and I felt so helpless and awful … I just don’t know if I can describe it. It was all I could do not to burst out sobbing in the hallway right where I sat. I watched two other students running around and hiding in lockers, oblivious to the pain that was circulating everywhere. I simply stayed where I was, hiding my face from the security camera. I think that I may have been crying, but I couldn’t tell. The need to go into the library, use a computer and type out a message to that person was uppermost in my mind. I hated every moment that the library was closed. Then when a teacher seemed to sense my desperation she allowed me in and I immediately started to type.
It was more like an essay than an e-mail. It was huge. But every word I typed was another load off my heart. After I sent the message, I felt more released and more at peace with everything. I left school an hour early rather than stay in that pit of pain and misfortune. I said goodbyes to my best friends that I could find and then left to the bus stop.
It didn’t bother me any that I had to wait about 45 minutes at my various bus stops. The time rushed past me in my haze of depressedness that I would have to leave all of these friends, all of these people who over the course of the year had totally changed my life. I already missed them, and I had hardly left yet.
And I still miss them, but the pain of that day was mostly gone. I have spoken to many of my friends, and even renewed and strengthened some friendships which waned when we saw each other every day. It’s been a time of rejuvenation.
[ sorry for the essay : ) ]